Dear Everyone,

WOW
So...yeah.
I'm bad at regularly running my blog.
I've been going through some stuff lately and I haven't really been in the mood for writing. But, I do know now, that writing helps me make sense of things. Kind of like when you vent.. I've never been much of a talker. I like to be private and secretive. And that's why I need this blog so much. So that I can have a way to be public without being public. If that makes any sort of sense I'll be pleased.

But anyway, my post today is on things that don't make sense.

Things such as animals. Now I've been called heartless before, but I'm really just not an animal person. If there was an animal I would like for a pet, it would be a cat. The moodier the better. I don't like when puppies lick my face and when they bark and bark and bark. Believe me, I've been pet sitting lately and having a small sleep straddling your shin under the covers is unsettling when you have literally no experience with dogs. I just don't understand how to co exist with small, excited furry creatures that try to talk to me using a series of alarmed sounds. Not my thing.

Also, Russians. I don't understand you guys either. I just don't get why you guys answer the phone and immediately start yelling. I mean in my opinion you guys have horrible cell service and wifi to begin with so I imagine just picking up the phone is frustrating enough. Actually I know it's frustrating. It's like..."Oh! My phone is ringing. Well let's see how long this call lasts until the polluted air strangles my service!!" Yep. It's not a phone call to Russia if the call doesn't drop at least three times. And I mean, the KGB are totally not listening to your conversations. No, definitely not.

And don't even get me started on boys. Boys make no sense. My seventeen year old brother has actually said that he doesn't understand the concept of having inner conversations with himself. Oh okay cool so basically you don't think. That's awesome. (?????) And boys never pick up on hints that we girls drop for them. We are plainly and articulately asking for them to listen to us and hold us while we cry when we say, "LEAVE ME ALONE DONT TALK TO ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL IM FINE IM FINE IM FINE GEEZ JUST LEAVE ALREADY AND DONT TEXT ME!"
C'mon guys. The call for a calm heart to heart was never more clear.

I'll just end this post now while I'm ahead.

Signed,
Emma

   

Dear Everyone,

    New Years, for some reason, always fills me with a dull longing. In fact, the entire holiday season, stretching from Thanksgiving until my birthday in March is a quiet time for me. And I don't know why. It's a sweet mix of nostalgia, stress and confusion that makes these days different for me. Maybe it's because I feel like my year has been wasted. That it's been dulled and appraised and left in the attic because the New Year has begun. I don't understand the cheering and celebration that comes with a New Year, you're just starting again. You're one year closer to your last birthday.
     Maybe it's because my "best moments" on Instagram were given to me by a website, pulling up pictures that got the most feedback from my followers. Moments such as walking home from the grocery store with someone who I didn't care for and it started snowing right outside of school so we took pictures. I forget that that day even existed. Another one of my best moments was a picture of me finishing a ballet variation that I was rehearsing, and I cropped out my legs in the picture because I hated them so much.
     Maybe it's because my actual best moments are only mine. Moments that I had to myself. Moments that went on in my head, things only I could see. Revelations that I made and choices that effected how 2015 went.

    Maybe it's because 2015 was a great year. And by great I don't mean awesome and I loved every second of it. I mean great as in, wow so much happened in only 365 days and I am 356% percent different.

    Here's to the New Year.

    Signed,
    Emma